I am taking and adapting today's title from a wonderful book my wife got me, entitled When God and Cancer Meet by Lynn Eib, a cancer survivor, journalist, and cancer patient advocate.  But I have to say this past week revealed some miraculous recovery amidst frank reminders that I am in recovery!

As a 20 year Church member, recently confirmed Catholic, and relatively new parish leader (2 yrs ago appointed to the leadership team) at our family's ancestral church (my wifes' maternal grandmother's church), I have increasingly relied on its steadfastly warm, joyous, and nurturing spirit to strengthen me in fighting this rare, blood disease known as Myeloma.  It is without reservation that I feel honored everytime I step in St Patrick's sanctuary, its property/grounds, and engage with each of our parishioners -- old and new, Spanish speaking or English speaking, from West Oakland or Marin, Black, white, Asian, gay, straight, single moms or nuclear family, etc.  The spirit is amazing, and the blessings from over 150 years of purposeful existence are felt.

So it goes without saying that last week I felt called to participate in, help lead, facilitate, or was "behind the screen" (zoom!) in four straight evenings of back to back activities.  Focusing on a variety of issues -- with the Diocese of Oakland on structural reorganization and reformation discussions & debates, receiving the blessings for our family's comfort pet/cat, Mr Happy, by our priest, Father Ken, and joining an evening rally and march organized by our faith network, in one of Oakland's gun violence hot spots side by side with100 plus parishioners, clergy, community folks, including Oakland's Mayor, to help lower the violence 'temperature' on the streets.  "Hey hey, ho, ho, gun violence has got to go!... 2, 4, 6, 8, a whole more love and a lot less hate!"  

By the end of the fourth day, I was fried, tapped out, and had to 'hide behind the screen'. I felt guilty for some insensitive statements I made in my weariness and attempts to reflect optimism in the face of other's fears and negative experiences.  As some of the church elders were still going strong into the night at 10pm, from their bedroom, on screen, I realized my mental recovery was pushed to its current limit.  I checked out.  I flashed back to my past two decades of organizing, advocacy, and how I would go round the clock, 24-7 with seemingly boundless energy.  I lamented that perhaps my future would never return to this capacity.  

"People love to think about before and after.  But most of the time, we're in the during phase, where we're learning and growing and making mistakes and trying again.  So embrace the messy middle."  - Jay Shetty (Award-Winning Storyteller, Podcaster, and former monk )

Then, I realized, too, that a few weeks ago there was no way I would have been able to have lasted this long and brought this level of energy.  I am blessed.  I am continuing to grow and progress.  I made it to service the next day, and soaked up the spirit and found  my rock, my salvation, and began my new day in steadfast joy, later taking my son out to practice volleyball at the park...

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  - James 1:2-4 (ESV)