As a parent, and a father to a 15 year old son and 13 year old daughter, when I get the moment to step back and reflect, it is an amazing feeling.  Let's unpack that some.

First -- "when I get the moment..." -- as many parents experience, raising a child in any fashion, is often day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment.  Get them up and ready for school -- a whole experience in itself at the beginning.  Do they have their school work and homework (separate items!) prepared and have they not just grasped but mastered the concepts and lesson?  If not, what are the gaps and what support is needed?  Are their morning routine habits healthy and sustainable, or do you have to remind them every other time to make their bed, eat a balanced meal, and have enough clean water in their backpack for the day's activities?  Just some of the many thoughts that have or still do flash through my mind over these past 15 years...Ones that I am blessed to have focused conversations with my wife in this co-parenting environment.  

This took on special meaning when I was diagnosed with my rare blood condition and the kids were 9 and 11 years old.  Once I figured out how I would share it with them, I'll just say that it certainly didn't come out the way I imagined it or wanted it to be.  That story is for another day.  I tried my best to protect them, however, and share with them on a 'need to know' basis... "Dad will pick you up after my blood test...", "I am running out of patience tonight and you need to be in bed with lights out so you'll be ready for school tomorrow...", "I understand there was a gun on campus today, or a fight at school, but, can't you even give me a smile when I pick you up from school?  A smile doesn't cost anything!" 

Sometimes, these moments are just that -- temporary experiences.  Sometimes, they linger and can lead to a change in behaviour either good or bad.  But, they always teach me. 

And, when I 'step back and reflect', I become amazed.  I feel gratitude, blessings, and fulfillment.  My kids are beautiful human beings, special as created by God.  We are not our accomplishments, but how we treat others and ourselves and live our lives by the golden rule.  It's ok to have pride in oneself -- just not excessive or in a heavy narcissistic manner-- and kids.  They are tops in their class academically, they are healthy and productive -- my son plays cello with the local Symphony and has a growing 35 inch vertical leap (the late great Kobe Bryant's reached 38"); my daughter plays violin, is doing college preparatory classes and does her own hair (never been cut since birth) which is down to her waist.  They both continue to serve as lecturers at church, and played their instruments with the choir for the congregation. 

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.  I will put my Spirit withn you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will My judgements and do them."  (Ezekiel 36: 26-27 NKJV)

Perhaps just as amazing is how they have lived with a father and parent knowing that cancer is omni-present -- with joy, resilience, and acceptance in the face of my occasional fears, doubts, and mental and physical fatigue.  Some day, I hope to read their own thoughts and impressions growing up with this experience.  I can say that the pressures they have endured are not light or without consequence -- once again, another story for another day.  

I read that "... people are like stained glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.."  (h/t Jay Shetty, via Elisabeth Kubler-Ross)  

Every week, my parenting gift is a blessing. I don't take it for granted, not one bit.